എനക്കും മലയാളം അറിയാം

കുറച്ചുനാളായി മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതണം എന്ന് വിചാരിക്കുന്നു.

CBSE പഠനം. എട്ടാം ക്ലാസ്സു വരെ മലയാളം, അതും അഞ്ചാം ക്ലാസ്സിലെ മലയാളം ടെക്സ്റ്റ്‌ ബുക്ക്. എന്ത് ചെയ്യാനാ? നല്ലവണ്ണം പഠിച്ചത് കൊണ്ടാണെന്ന് അവകാശപെടുന്നില്ലെങ്കിലും പഠിപിച്ച ടീച്ചര്‍ കൊള്ളാവുന്നത് കൊണ്ട് ആയിരിക്കാം , തട്ടിം മുട്ടിം ഒക്കെ മലയാളം കാച്ചാം.

മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതാന്‍ ഉള്ള പ്രചോദനം ഒന്ന് : കൂട്ടുകാരിയും ബ്ലോഗ്‌ ലോകത്തിലെ നോട്ടപുള്ളിയും ആയ ഇന്ദുലേഖ (http://nerumnunayum-indulekha.blogspot.com/) ഒരു ദിവസം ചോദിച്ചു മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതിക്കൂടേ എന്ന്. അന്ന് പേടി ആയതു കൊണ്ട് വേണ്ട എന്ന് വെച്ചതാ. പേടി എന്ന് വെച്ചാല്‍, ഈ മലയാളം അറിയാം എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു നടക്കുന്ന ഫ്രോടുകള്‍ പിന്നെ അതിനെ ചുറ്റിപറ്റി കഥകള്‍ മെനയും എന്നുള്ള പേടി . ഇന്ന് പേടി എന്താ എന്ന് അറിയാത്തത് കൊണ്ടും, അതിയായ ആഗ്രഹം ഉള്ളത് കൊണ്ടും എഴുതി. വെറുതെസുഖിപിക്കാനാണ് നീ അത് പറഞ്ഞത് എങ്കിലും, മോളേ ഇന്ദുലേഖ, കുറ്റം നിനക്ക് തന്നെ.

മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതാന്‍ ഉള്ള പ്രചോദനം രണ്ട്: നല്ല ബ്ലോഗുകള്‍. കൂട്ടുകാരനായ പയ്യന്‍ ( http://payyantimes.blogspot.com/). എല്ലാം നല്ലതല്ലെങ്കിലും ചിലത് ഒരു സുഖമാണ് വായിക്കാന്‍. പിന്നെ അവന്റെ Google റീഡറില്‍ നിന്നും കിട്ടിയ ബെര്‍ളിയുടെ ബ്ലോഗത്തരങ്ങളും (http://berlytharangal.com/). ബെര്‍ളിത്തരങ്ങള്‍ വായിച്ചാണ് ഈ പോസ്റ്റ്‌ ഇത്രേം വൈകിയെന്നത് തന്നെ പറയാം. ഹോ, ഓരോ ദിവസോം എത്ര പോസ്റ്റുകളാണ്. ഇത് പോലെ വല്ല കഴിവും ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നേല്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഒരു മലയാളം സിനിമയ്ക്കു screenplay എഴുതി ആ പതനത്തിന്റെ വേഗം ഒന്നും കൂടി കൂട്ടിയേനെ.

മലയാളത്തില്‍ എഴുതാന്‍ ഉള്ള പ്രചോദനം മൂന്ന്: ഞാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ ഞാന്‍ എന്ന് ഭാവിക്കുന്ന ചിലരുണ്ട്. ആ വെബ്സൈറ്റ് ലിങ്ക് ഇവിടെ കൊടുക്കാന്‍ ഉള്ള നിലവാരം വരുമ്പോള്‍ കൊടുക്കാം. ഇപ്പോള്‍ അത് ഫോട്ടോഷോപ്പ് കളിക്കും പിന്നെ കമ്മ്യൂണിസ്റ്റ്‌ ആശയവിനിമയങ്ങള്‍ക്കും (അഭിപ്രായം ഇല്ല) മാത്രമേ ഉപയോഗിക്കുന്നുള്ളൂ . എന്റെ ഒരു ബസ്‌ കമന്റിനു (Google Buzz) ഉത്തരം മുട്ടിയപ്പോള്‍ തെറി വിളിച്ച അവന്റെ ബാലിശം ആയ നടപടിയെ നല്ല രീതിയില്‍ വിമര്‍ശിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ തിരിച്ചടിക്കാന്‍ അവനു ഒന്നും കിട്ടാത്തത് കൊണ്ട് അവന്‍ എന്റെ ഒരു മലയാളം ബസിനെ കളിയാക്കി. അവന്‍ എന്റെ അടുത്ത് ഇംഗ്ലീഷില്‍ ബസ്‌ ചെയ്യ്, മലയാളം മോശമാണ് എന്നുള്ള രീതിയില്‍ പറഞ്ഞു. അവന്റെ ഏറ്റവും സഭ്യമായ ഭാഷ അത് ആയതു കൊണ്ട് അപ്പോള്‍ ഒന്നും പറഞ്ഞില്ല. Google Transilerator അതിനു പറ്റുന്ന പോലെ ഒക്കെ എന്റെ മംഗ്ലീഷ് മലയാളത്തിലേക്ക് മാറ്റിയതാണ് എന്നും, ഇംഗ്ലീഷില്‍ എഴുതുന്നത്‌ അത് നന്നാക്കിയാല്‍ ജോലി ചെയ്യുമ്പോള്‍ ഗുണം ആവുമല്ലോ എന്ന് വിചാരിച്ചു എന്നും കൊച്ചു കുട്ടിയായ അവനെ എങ്ങനെ പറഞ്ഞു മനസിലാക്കാനാണ്. എന്തായാലും വെല്ലുവിളിച്ച സ്ഥിതിക്ക് ഞാന്‍ അങ്ങ് എഴുതി. ധൈര്യം ഉണ്ടെങ്കില്‍ തെറ്റ് കണ്ടു പിടിക്കെടാ കീടമേ.

തല്കാലത്തേക്ക് ഇത്രയും മതി. ശേഷം ഇനിയും താല്പര്യം വരുമ്പോള്‍. ഞാനേ, വെറുതെ വരുത്തരുതേ. താങ്ങാന്‍ പറ്റുകയില്ല മോനേ ദിനേശാ.

A day like this!!!

I too want to write about my valentine's day. I woke up and took the gift I hid in my cupboard and went down (I sleep upstairs). She was fast asleep on her bed. Laid it beside her, and then went and picked up The Hindu and read it in my usual manner (A bad habit I got from my grandpa to my dad to me, not worth describable). Oh! by the way, the lady is my sister and it is her birthday. ;-)

The first thing that caught my eye was 'The Magazine', which I read after even the cricket scores of every local match that happened. I saw the whole front page had 2 articles on Euthanasia. The Hindu's way of saying that the first thing you can do for your loved ones is to eliminate their pain, before showering love on them. My viewpoints on them are still scrambled. I don't know if it is right or wrong.

The next good thing I did was to watch a movie on my laptop with a boy. Yes he's my nephew who watches 'Ee Pattanathil Bootham' every weekend morning, the first thing. That is the only DVD he owns for himself. This smartie watched it more than what he knows to count (He says he can count upto 100). He had denied me a chance to look at the print of 'Bramaram' which is in the same DVD so many times. But today he allowed me to use it, because his grandpa had to watch some program on tv and the only other available DVD players were at my home and he liked my laptop the most. The deal was to use my bed (which I don't allow anyone else to use:P), sit through the whole movie, fast forward the emotional parts, rewind to all his favorite comedy scenes again and again and listen to his narration too. How can you deny someone so sweet?

A normal lunch on a very normal day for a conservative family. My payasam (birthday special) that I left downstairs to cool down remained there. After an hour I am still lazy to go down and get it. Amma, tired of seeing it everytime she passed by the dining table brought it upstairs just now.:-)

Meantime read Payyan's (who happens to be my classmate too) hilarious post ( http://payyantimes.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post_13.html).

Saw a blogger comment on it and checked her blog if it was worth a read. What surprised me was that she wrote about something This is what I wanted my sister to do to anyone mean enough to try that on her. Kudos!!!

In these two weeks I got to know freedom is something human beings cherish the most. I am going out for the third time this month (with no one, it is just a friend's marriage reception party). First two were for my surgery and check up and the third because I badly wanted to go out. All I could go to was to see my dad's latest obsession: the house he's building or getting build or trying to atleast (Hope he doesn't read atleast the last part).

Wish everyone a Happy Valentine's day!!!

What is True Love?

With 14th Feb coming up and people bringing down the moon for their loved ones, I've always wondered whether they stopped loving these so called love for the rest of the 364 days. I've seen people breaking up and running around trying to find a new match because it is a shame in the eye of the society when the other half of the 'broke' already found a new one.

I so much feel ashamed of people who try so hard to make love happen, when it is that love just happens. I've seen people break up for silly reasons. I detest the ones who think they can enter and exit a relationship at will. That's not love, that is lust, that is eroticity, that is craving for 'you know what' and that is of course pure selfishness. I pity the ones who want everyone's permission to lead a life with the ones whom they love. This pity is comparable to the one that we feel for a street dog which whines because it hasn't eaten for days. It begs for food from everyone. I don't know the words to describe the ones who find hundreds of reasons to move out of a relationship, but hardly finds one to stay in. I've to admit I stuck on to one of this breed with total ignorance, but the learning and enlightment when I came out was amazing. I feel at peace.

I've felt I had thought from my school days that I had found true love, but I failed miserably everytime I tried to make myself believe that.

A few things I've learned or copied from what I've read over the years :

1. To protect, but to never want to be protected can be true love

2. To be possessed but not to possess could be true love

3. To leave when you are not wanted shows true love

4. To inspire and be inspired is true love

5. To be the strength and never the weakness is and will always be true love

6. To be there whether he/she rubs the magic lamp or not is of course true love

7. To forgive and forget the gravest of mistakes of others is obviously true love

And from the writer's corner:

I did experience true love when I came back from my surgery all tired and needed a lot of mental and physical support. My loving mom and dad took good care of me. My pet, Mickie had to be kept away from me lest I may catch an infection. Everybody shooed her away when they saw her coming to me. Poor doggie had no clue. And a few days later, when I was getting better, my mom told me she was sleeping half way up the first floor, rather than her usual rug near the parent's room to make sure I was alright. This is true love.

I just love my bloody black bitch, Mickie.

And that's why the pic of that black labrador retriever figured at the top of the post.

Don't...

I want to get away from this. I think I have got away, but the feeling, ever so feeble, does come back.

Why? Why? Why?

To make myself believe that you don't love me and so I also shouldn't is an attempt so brave and so successful. I have been successful as a whole. I don't feel the numbness of loneliness. I don't feel the pain of being detached. But, when I count the seconds and microseconds of my life, the life I go through for no milestones to cross, no goal to attain, I understand that it is only because you keep away from me that I retain my sanity.

Don't come back to me, don't ever.

Memoirs of the Cherished Days

Another lazy day
A day to think and reason
About days bygone
About someone who was important
The cherished love
And the intoxicating smile
The long journeys together
The times spent with each other
And the dreams we wanted to live
Now we are not together
But away from each other
And just like me
I know you too will be
Out there somewhere
Lost in my memories
Hoping those days would come back

No more

Don't pretend
I don't believe you any more
Don't talk
I won't listen to you any more
Don't preach
Your advice is not needed any more
Don't touch
You don't calm me down any more
Don't come in my way
You don't matter any more
Let me tell you this
I've had enough- no more

Ascent of Thoughts

Riding on anger
basking in arrogance
with chest widespread
and eyes so deep
I called for blood
And they begged for mercy
There is no space for clemency
Hunt them down
Break them up
Not a single soul shall escape
Sacrilege won't be forgiven
There will be no complacency
The hunt has begun
And extermination will be complete

Insanity

A cup of anger
A tinge of fear
palmful of pain
reasons vain
cometh thee
and conquer me

Fruits

I am a fruit seller. I bring fruits to my shop only when they ripen. Some fruits rot on the trees. They're not selected for the shop. Some fruits rot in the shop and damage the good ones too. I don't sell the rotten fruits. I don't want the smell of rotten fruits to disturb any of my customers. I don't want to desecrete my fruitshop. I spread fragrance and not the rotten odour.

Walk on the Sands

We used to be there every night
Walking on the sands hand in hand
With pants rolled up and sandals in hand
Wetting our legs holding each other tight
Talking to each other about our lives
With the roaring waves in the background
Our laughs lost in the wind
Stars winking at us
We learned to wash away our sorrows
And laugh at our folly
We built our sand castles there
Now we are fighting to make a living
Long forgotten is the friendship
And the promises made on the sands
Long forgotten are the peaceful days
When we had so much more for so less

Waves

Stars in the dark sky above
Outlines of a boat ahead
Cold salty wind brushing my hair
Wet sand below me
Water meets land here
Touch me, touch my toes
Wet my legs and cool me down
Wash away my worries , cleanse my soul
Take me farther, deeper
Absorb me into the rhythm of your roars

Translation

-uniform movement without rotation
I am not a keyed or a battery powered toy to keep going on a straight line. I change direction, I rotate, I revolve, I get angry but I am usually happy too. Even a keyed toy may want to change its destined path, so why not me? Don't expect me to be in translation.
- Reverberations of a disturbed mind...

Rains of May

A flash of light in the sky
A drop of water on my forehead
Or was it the sweat?
I stood still expecting the downpour
Where is it? I want to get wet
Drench me with the cool showers
Cleanse my tired mind
Kill the summer heat
And make all beings happy
Thunders and lightning won't do
We want the rain
Rains of May
Take my pains away
Make me feel light again

Don't Cry Maria, He's not worth your Tears

Maria, my friend, keeper of my secrets, my partner in all deeds. You lived your life loving him, gave yourself to him and dreamt of a life with him. You cherished every interaction with him and beamed in the world of extravagant love that he built around you. Then came a day, when he found that he didn't love you. You cried and cried. You got hurt like it was never before. I know, my Maria, how it feels when you lose your first love. I watched in silence. Even there you found time to make my worries go away. You put up a brave face wih everyone and never showed your pain. You still admire him and wish he would be back in your life. Your pure heart still weeps when you miss him. You have been pained by his denial and decided not to ever fall in love.
My dear friend, my lovely friend, this is not the time to weep the absense of the unworthy, this is the time to rejoice your youth. Go to the villages, dance with the wind, get wet in the rain, chase the calf and play with the early morning dew. Smell the love in the air. Fall in love again and again and again. Make this friend happy by bringing back your vibrant smile. Let me see the shine in your eye, my Maria. Don't Cry Maria, don't cry for him again, my Maria, he's not worth your tears!!!

Blank

Draw it

or spell it

Write it down

or describe how it is

This is how it feltwhen you left my life

But it was not just a five letter word
It was a concoction of all the painful emotions

Which can be packaged into this simple word called blank

You Live No More

Atlast we exchanged good byes
I knew this was the moment
When we parted
From each other's lives
And from now on
My dear love
You live no more
In my life

Happiness

Smile at the strange bystander
Feed the stray dog which wags the tail at you
Help the blind man across the road
Show the way to a lost person
Buy the beggar boy some food
And tell your friends you love them
Thou shall hate none
And give every shaken soul the comfort it needs
Let there be no fights over worldly belongings
Share your successes
And take others' troubles
Thou shall find eternal peace
And the happiness long lost
For reasons long forgotten
This is the satisfaction you always wanted
This is your happiness

Angry Young Man

I am a naturally angry man. I do things the way I want. The anger never comes out. That is my USP.

My anger remains inside me and is manipulated the way I want it. I can either convert it into vengeance and shower it upon my arch rival or just let it evaporate. I can convert it into something productive by competing with the people I am angry at. More importantly for me, I can remain angry deep within but still put up a smiling face. I am diplomatic, I guess.

But, for you my sweet friend, I display my anger and so does my love. I don't hide my emotions because I want you to understand me. I know that how much ever we fight, we will remain thick friends. I know that you will want my presence in your life for eternity. And I know I will be there for you too. I am sorry for hurting you. But it will happen till friendship dies. And since it will never end, I guess you will have to tolerate me. And this ,my friend, is my new year gift for you. Thank you for being my friend.

An Apology

I am insensitive my friend, I am. I had always wanted myself that way. I molded myself for your sake and for my sake. I can't waste a life on broken dreams.I can't see a future where I spend time for people lost, love lost and for all the times I got hurt.

I want to see a life beyond mediocrity, which we planned together-a life where our dreams take wings and fly so far that we get lost in the euphoria. I want to weave it in such a way as to fulfill every wish of yours. And without you being around? I want to be everything you wanted me to be. Huh, what a useless life? What a senseless ambition?

I want to be everything you wanted me to be. I am still yours, without wanting you. I try to show I am selfish, that I live for myself and for none. I convince myself that I left you for my convenience. I live in a life of lies. My happiness is itself a farce. It is nothing but a mask to hide my inner self. There's a lot missing there. But let it be that way. Because I rejoice in a comfortable ecstasy there. I enjoy the feeling of believing that I can't get hurt. That I can control my heart.

And so my friend, I apologize for being insensitive. I apologize for the inconvenience I created. I hope you can forgive me one day.

Confessions of a Confused Soul

Software engineering life taught me that sundays are for fun, movies and friends. As I sit in my lab after finishing off my part of the marketing assignment waiting for others to get together to integrate the stuff, I lament that I missed a chance to be on a movie with my friends. But then, when I sit and think, I find that I am no longer with them. I have to grow and try to be with myself, find time for my career, grow and mature. There is no time to think about things you miss, people who left, friends who don't have time, home which you rarely visit. Umpteen other issues which play on your mind and tell you that you are the person with the most troublesome life on earth.

But then, if I sit down and think for a while, why should I lament? Am I the most pathetic soul on earth? There is only one answer- a definite 'no'. Aren't there people around who don't have the most frugal of meals. What about the beggars who sleep on the streets in the cold night, what about the stray animals which beg for food and get beaten up badly because a sick person wants to show his superiority. Aren't there lakhs of orphans who want someone to show them a whiff of love, while my dad and mom call me up every day. How can I call myself unfortunate when there are a million handicapped folks around the world who may not have a healthy body , but may spread warmth with the healthy mind.

Why should I worry about trivial matters, when there are people around me who remain happy even with the gravest of tragedies in their life? They do so because they chose their life to be the way they want it. There is no life without issues and there are no issues in life without a solution. There is always a choice of accepting that there is a problem and worrying over it ,or ignoring the issue. The choices we make may not be simple, but they help us be ourselves. I can redefine my life by saying there is no issue or by solving it. I emerge stronger when I do either of these. But when you retrospect over you miseries, you lose out.

So , my friend let us think about a bright tomorrow. Let us not fear unknown fears. Let us go to places unexplored. Let the mind be free to think about the world and its beautiful people than you and your issues. Expand th window of your perception and change your tomorrow. Because, as the poet said, there are miles to go before I sleep.